Affair Advice

Bad sex life = Increased risk of affair
In 2012, statistics showed that 54% of women and 57% of men worldwide admitted to infidelity in any relationship they have had. That split is almost exactly even.

We are an inherently sexual race. Almost every person on the planet is either having or wants to have regular sex and if possible regular engaging sex. We use the word ‘engaging’ because it is a more accurate description in explaining how affairs start and how you can and should handle them.

If the sex with your regular partner – be they a spouse or a regular lover – isn’t doing it for you, then you will begin to look elsewhere to fill that need. Bad sex is in many cases ten times worse than no sex. It can lead both parties to feeling unwanted and unattractive.

What are the rules for affairs?
The whole reason you’re either in an affair or are considering starting one is because you fear certain consequences:

- stigma of divorce
- financial reasons
- impact on children from a relationship

Having an affair allows people to embark on something exciting that is compartmentalised therefore reducing the risk of it impacting negatively on their day to day life.

We are not here to judge; and nor should anyone else. But there are rules that we would recommend to any man or woman considering embarking on affair. They are split between practical advice and emotional advice.

Practical Rules

1. Try not to date or sleep with single people
They will always be dissatisfied with the amount of time you can spend with them. The logistics may be easier but they have nothing to lose and will be therefore less bothered about being discovered and may become jealous of your significant other.

2. Never use your home or the other person’s home for sex if you can avoid it
There is no quicker way to be caught then in the same bed you share with your significant other. Booking a hotel room is far safer and provides a locked door.

3. Become more adaptable to traditional female-male roles
Instead of offering to pay an entire bill at a hotel or for dinner, split the costs evenly. Splitting costs makes things like this more natural and easier to hide. Also pay in cash where possible.

4. No Communication via SMS and Phone Call
No texting or phone calls on your mobile. You’re just asking to be caught. Set up an anonymous email account and ONLY use it to message when you’re either at work or another situation where you know no one is looking over your shoulder.

5. Shower
Men and women can both detect the scent of another person on their partner even if you’ve just hugged a man or woman at work. Shower and be clean!

6. Safe Sex
If you’re going to continue to have sex with more than one person, then don’t be a prick: pop a Johnny on the dick. This rule is one that ALL people should follow when embarking on affairs. It is cruel and unforgivable to pass on an STD.

Emotional Rules

1. It is an Affair
You are not going to ride off into the sunset with your new lover. An affair is called an affair for a reason: to satisfy a need or a mutual need. It is not a long term relationship.

2. Your Lover Is Not Your Partner
A booty call is called a booty call for a reason; no one wants to hear about ‘how their day was?’ or ‘what they’re up to this weekend?’ You’re both there for no strings sex.

3. Someone will get hurt
It could be your long term partner. It could be your lover. It could be you. It might be all three. Whether it’s an external reaction, (divorce or break up) or an internal reaction (your own feelings of guilt), hurt will occur somewhere along the way. Minimise the hurt by following the rules so far!

4. Reason for the Affair
If you ever start feeling too caught up or guilty, remember the reason you started the affair in the first place. If it was strong enough to make you want to have an affair it should be strong enough to remind you why you’re still in it.

5. End it
An affair is short term only. Even if you’ve seen each other several times over a few months, the same rule applies. Ending it mutually and amicably reminds both parties what they were there for in the first place. You are not going to spend your life with this new person. When both parties have rendered services to mutual satisfaction, it’s time to move on.