In Britain we have always struggled with discussing the issue of sex. This has been part of the culture since well before I was born, and can clearly be seen in our art – the most clearly defined being the long running west end hit “No Sex Please, We’re British” which ran for almost a decade playing to full houses the whole way. The influence of American films and television have sensationalised sex, delivering to us footage of long standing sex scenes that seem to go on for hours... something which rarely happens in real life.
So we are presented with 2 options, never talk about sex at all, or reach for easy access to internet porn and learn what we can about it in that environment. This also can lead us to bad places, an over abundance of porn for free can lead to over use, and this can be damaging to your sexual happiness in the long term. This is one of the reasons I applaud you for coming to this site. You are going to be far happier and healthier by having real sex with another actual human being than gratifying your needs by yourself on a computer. I want to be clear, in more normal dose’s this is fine, it is on in the long term that this can start to cause you problems.
So what we never talk about in a free and comfortable way is that sex is not only a normal natural part of a relationship, but that actually it is an important cornerstone of that relationship. For us to lead full and fulfilled lives most of us want to be in a partnership with someone of the gender that we are attracted to. Within that partnership many people will share and take joy in sharing different parts of their lives:
• Success at work
• Their interactions with their family
• Evenings out for dinner
• Invites to birthdays, weddings, funerals and other important events
• Moments of sadness
• Their greatest victories
For all their sharing and the success of that however, when you move into a monogamous relationship you cut off the ability to sleep with anyone else... and at that point if the sex isn’t good, you are stuck with it. If you are not gratified in bed, if the girl/guy you are with does not make you want to take them in your arms and make them groan in pleasure, or if they are unable to make you loose yourself in the moment when all layers are stripped away, there is going to be no replacing that.
No matter what the nature of your sexual relationship, good sex is an important cornerstone element, and if it is not good, then you are never – NEVER – going to be truly happy in that relationship. So I my suggestion is this: start with the sex. If it is good then you can potentially build from there. If it is not good, then things were never going to be able to work out.
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