When we have sex, regardless of how enlightened we are about the act, how rounded a view we take on it and how much we come to understand that it is more than just about coming – some part of us checks in on whether the other person has come or not. We also care about whether the other person has a good time – which is what this check in is rooted in. Again, only the most selfish sell centred (to the point of genuine medically diagnosable social issues) ignore whether the other person has enjoyed themselves – and infact our own enjoyment of the sex is tied into this. If the other person has had a good time then we do too. No matter how good the sex feels – if you glance up from your near orgasm extasy to see the other person’s face – and they look bored – this is a guaranteed mood killer. Why does it kill it? It ends our pleasure because our joy is tied into whether they are enjoying it.
The Ego
This is all tied into the ego. Sex isn’t just about how it physically feels – it is also about how it emotionally feels. There is no removing that, and frankly why would you want to, I mean it is part of what makes sex awesome. We want the other person to want us, not to want anyone, us. It is about you wanting to feel special, you wanting to know that they want YOU over anyone else that they could have had... and this is where it ties in. If they love it, then they want you. If they have a shit time then they may as well have slept with any one else. You are not special.
The dangerous cycle
If you think that they are having a shit time, then this makes you turned off. You are less likely to orgasm, and you are certainly not going to have a very good time. The danger is that they then look at you having a crap time – and this in turn makes them have a crap time! Isn’t it amazing – it feeds back into itself! See the same is true for them, they want to feel like they please, that you want *them* over other people. So how do you avoid this cycle?
Assume they love it
You can’t ignore reality for long, and you don’t want to. There is a grey area though, and when you first sleep with someone it is unlikely to be mind blowing because you are new to each other. So avoid this cycle by assuming that they had a good time. Don’t question it, don’t ask, just assume it. As you get to know each other better you will change how you fuck each other till it is amazing, but until then just trust that they like it, and that they like YOU. That is the most important part.
So when you get a new fuck buddy, just trust in yourself. You are awesome in the sack. You are. Trust me.
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